okay pat passed out under dana's car
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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