she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
