This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
