I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
