I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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