just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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