I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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