it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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