I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
