i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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