just tell him i said nine months
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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