True but thats because hes a fetus.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
