Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
