Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We are two peas in an std pod
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
