I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
