Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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