you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize