You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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