i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
