Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
