Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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