just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize