i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
