His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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