the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
