all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
