one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
