What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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