All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
