literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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