There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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