Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
