11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
