I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
