It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
