Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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