I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
