I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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