im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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