and you said cock pushups were impossible
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
