your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
