I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Terrible idea I love it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
