i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
