Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
