we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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