She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
