is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
