Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
