god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
