no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
