Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
