Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
