I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
