hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
