marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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