You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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