he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
