i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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