There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
