There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
