update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
