i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
