I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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