tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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