I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
