Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize