dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
