Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
