The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
