His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
