I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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