Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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