I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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