so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
