The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
