On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
