OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
