It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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