I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
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