Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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