Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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